Things not to do on a date
Thursday, April 05, 2012
Tip #1:Don't get food poisoning on a date. Really. If you do, any or all of the following might happen.
1) Arrive at the date feeling generally ok, but vaguely out-of-it for unknown reasons. Attempt to fix the problem by drinking come coffee followed by a cocktail. Feel sicker.
2) Noticeable stomach ache starting, but figure that it's the coffee and the drinks. Agree to go dancing with Date, even though you're feeling ill. Dance miserably, & attempt to hide this fact.
3) Feeling noticeably sick, suggest that instead of dancing, a quiet cup of tea might be nice. Date gets very excited about this. He has tea at his house!
4) Upon putting tea water on stove, realize that there is no way you're going to survive a cup of tea. Ask if you can skip the tea and just lie down because you're not feeling that great. You are in San Francisco, which is too far to go back home to Palo Alto. Date gets very excited to have you enter the lie-down-location, aka bedroom.
5) Feel immense relief to crawl into a bed. Date is thrilled! Except that instead of, say, being cuddly in the bed, you proceed to have terrible diarrhea and vomiting for the following 24 hours. Note general feeling of SUPER HOTNESS in your awesome situation of smelling better than ever while commandeering the bedroom of someone you barely know. Apologize repeatedly to strangers (8 housemates) who would like to use the bathroom that you are frequently locked inside of.
6)Bonus! The next morning, shuffle into the kitchen in search of water, and discover Date's housemate, who you happen to know! When he asks why you are at his house in the morning, wearing his roommate's pajamas, wonder what you did to deserve this curse.
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I ended that day by getting onto that dating site I've been neglecting for the past few weeks. Clearly going to need a new person to go on dates with...
