page 1A

---

Oh the holidays

---

PART I
When I tell people that my family exchanges Christmas presents, they imagine a fresh crisp tree brimming with bright lights, ornaments, and candles, and a warm welcoming home for the holiday gift exchange, where big boxes in red wrapping wait for the special morning.

In reality, this is the photo I took on xmas eve 2003, when I got home for the holidays. The box in this photo (blue, in the center) was given by a coworker of my father's -- he put it under the houseplant in the back corner of the living room, for lack of anywhere else to put it.

Since then, the presents at my house have always been stored, exchanged, and opened under the potted schefflera plant. This year though, I'm not sure where the houseplant went (died? moved?) but the plant wasn't there for it's gift storing duties. This holiday, in respect for tradition, we stored and exchanged our Christmas presents on the floor in the back corner of the living room, because it's where we've become comfortable celebrating the holiday... because it's where the schefflera used to be.


PART II
After the holidays, my friends often ask me what I received for xmas. This isn't out of politeness -- I have a reputation for receiving bad presents, and they are hoping I got something terrible so they can have a good laugh.

For years now, I have been trying to solve the problem by sending my family xmas lists. After receiving a porcelain cow in 2005, I tried sending a list in 2006 with only one item on it, and a very specific item at that: Cranium the board game. (They got me Cranium in Spanish.)

Last year, I tried a new tactic, where I sent an email with specific links to specific items on amazon.com. This sorta worked, but not quite.

So this year, I tried the opposite strategy: I told them what I DIDN'T want. The email read something like this:

For Christmas, please do not purchase me any things, as my apartment is microscopic and cannot hold more objects. My list:
- An oil change
- A haircut
- Vehicle registration
- Donations for my IRA

Apparently, this xmas list makes me sound poor, but I didn't realize it at the time. In the end, I got four things (two are objects): a sweater, a jigsaw puzzle, a gift certificate for a restaurant, and money. Well it's not what I asked for but hey -- cash in a red envelope, the Asian family classic.  ¶ 6:33 PM 0 comments