I am a grumpy old owl
Friday, April 28, 2006
As spring time rolls in and lovely wild flowers take the place of cold earth, the romance in the air fills me with an emotion that is powerful enough to destroy small mammals with just the look on my face. If you think Valentine’s Day is bad, the arrival of spring is much worse – like a longer version of Vday spread over several weeks, and worse, beyond that, it is far less likely to score me any free See’s candy. In tune with the season, the people I usually spend time with on a regular basis have lost their head in the clouds and suddenly begun chirping about their new relationships almost as irrationally as Google employees who tout their company as if free granola breaks between 12-hour programming stints is the best thing since Dungeons and Dragons, and rivals the browser button labeled "I'm feeling lucky" in its greatness. As the rest of us are already aware, none of these things are all that revolutionary.
Despite this, I am complaining because irrelevant stories about Her tickling His knees and how She wiggles her nose are repeatedly bypassing the essential Filter of Useless Information and making their way out of my friends’ mouths. This is not just embarrassing for my friend, but due to a respect for common courtesy and a feeling of obligation, I have habit of listening to the stories out of guilt, thereby allowing the useless information to lodge itself into my brain and occupy useful memory space that could be used to store functional information, like foreign languages or clever insults.
Of course, I’m just bitter because people I used to be friends with have replaced me with new relationships in which I cannot participate. But that’s not all there is to it. I am bitter because my friends have replaced me AND because after finally landing a decent job recently, I lost the job instantly and became unemployed again. What luck. Shredder has a better chance of defeating the Ninja Turtles after a drinking binge than I do in getting a job. And that holds true for even the extreme case - while the Ninja Turtles Theme Song is playing.
Oh yeah, and I live with my ex boyfriend. (If that doesn’t justify grumpy-old-owliness, then I don’t know what does.)
