The planet is thanking me
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
It is Nothing Week. My recognition of this important (albeit self-invented) seven-day-long holiday includes:Not leaving the apartment
Lots of pajama wearing
(or at least, no bras)
Discount pizza coupons
Swishing teabags violently around tea mugs, to mix in the honey w/o requiring a spoon
Before you call me a slob, think of how many glaciers are murdered each day by teaspoons, and all the precious oxygen that gets used up by exercise. That's right. While you're out there selfishly fending off cancer/heart disease and generally contributing to society -- I'm being lazy, not for my benefit, but for the benefit of the polar bears. You (and those thankless polar bears) should be more grateful.
Losing my race
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Sometimes when I hang out with Shannon, she'll ask me if I'm familiar with some Chinese phrase. It's not because she's testing me -- some phrases are hard to translate from one language to another, so in retelling conversations she's had in Chinese, she'll ask if I know a phrase to save her the trouble of translating it.What Shannon hasn't realized after several years of knowing me, is that I have never passed the Chinese phrase quiz.
Shannon: Do you know shou-ling hua?
Me: No
Shannon: Oh, it's like a type of disapproval...
(repeat conversation like, 40 times over several years.)
Recently, however, I've been getting in touch with my asian side. Not because I'm suddenly yearning for my own culture, but because Sean is such a white boy and I'm too stubborn to accommodate him. Asian-ness isa good excuse for stuff, like a mean sense of humor, stinginess, inability to see through the little slits in my face, unwillingness to eat tuna casserole/meatloaf, etc.
So last week when Shannon busted out a Chinese phrase quiz in the car with Sean present, I desperately wanted to understand the phrase and legitimize my excuses.
Shannon: Do you know liu chien-wu?
Me: Uhh... what was it?
Shannon: Liu chien-wu.
Me: Oh... of course I do!
Shannon: (waits)
Me: Uhh... He was that guy. In the martial arts movie.
Shannon: It's a special kind of respect for ancestors.
Dammit.
Any day now, there's going to be a casserole for dinner, and I'm going to have to participate.
