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Application

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Dear Benedict XVI, God, and whom it may concern:

Through my avid participation as an NPR listener, I understand there is an opening at your organization for the position of Pope. Please accept my application, as I feel my qualifications may fit your needs.

First, I would like to exhibit my overall level of passion and commitment. I know that as Pope, I'll be expected to inspire passion, much as I do in my current position, where I manage programs for a nonprofit in San Francisco. With my help, the company has doubled our 'likes' on Facebook in the past 2 years, and also managed to post regularly on Twitter. This outreach has increased our donations by several thousand dollars -- I understand that your operation is similarly funded by donation.

On top of this, my interest in the church is very keen. In San Francisco, the Catholic community is small, however, in my free time, I have taken initiative to find the New Testament from the library, and to skim the basics, in preparation for this position with your church. I am a fast learner, and was able to make updates to my company's Wordpress website successfully after only two weeks training -- half the time it takes normal recruits.

Last, as a female applicant of Asian-American background, I may attract a new demographic to your network, while still speaking the universal language of English. I notice that Asian citizens could be targets groups for increased market share. Although I do not speak Chinese personally, I feel my presence could enliven the image of your organization.

Despite my current living situation, I am confident a life in Italy would suit me, and am willing to relocate. As a bonus, I enjoy both wine and crackers, and am keen to add fun new twists to traditional communion!

If I don't hear back from you this week, I'm happy to follow up with a phone call and/or prayer early next week. I am available on short notice for interviews, thanks to my skilled use of the Android phone -- a technology I will diligently apply to my position as Pope.
 Laura  ¶ 10:02 PM 0 comments