Officially Single
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Having an online profile makes me "officially" single. This means that(1) I bond instantly with friends that are also official
(2) People who are not dating frequently do so vicariously through me.
---
Vicarious dating
In the past 2 months, my non-single friends have
- requested to see my profile
- demanded edits to profile text (deleted my fart joke!)
- taken new photos of me
- required me to do/wear certain things for prolonged photo shoots
- MADE ME GO SHOPPING.
Influenced by peer pressure, I now own a pair of (too tight in my opinion) jeans, a shirt with no holes whatsoever, and a Banana Republic sweater. Given exactly three articles of Date Approved Clothing, every dude I meet up with meets the exact same me: jeans + shirt + sweater.
---
Instant friends
Friends who are also online dating are THE BEST. We read about, judge, and complain about online dates together! Sometimes we help one another too; I helped S by writing to another cougar from his profile. My roommate is joining the site which is great, I can complain about online dating on a daily basis, from the comfort of my own home! Roommate is from Germany, when he reads things online, he asks me questions like "Hey Laura, what does 'kinky' mean?"
Thanks to blogging, people have started to send some of their best-of-online-dating. When online, girls get messages frequently, and respond to very few men. This means sending a message is tough for guys, the goal being a rare and cherished response. Some men don't seem to succeed at this:
Isint Palo alto porn capital of the world?Last, an actual answer to a standard profile question (the most common answer for which is "why would I post something private on the internet?")
i'd be really happy to hear from you. i know you are a think outside the box gal not intimidated by my...maturity, right?
[aka: Nasty Old Man]
Do you like Asian? Are you racist?
I couldn't help but notice your eyes glistening at me like freshly fallen snow from the first snowfall of the year. Immediately my throat became dry and I just sat there silently gasping how I could be so blessed as to view such heavenly blessed beauty.
You look familiar. Did you go to Gunn H.S.? Want to see a movie today?
[Um, that's not a peer. He was a teacher at Gunn HS.]
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a VERY large "member". It's actually really embarrassing. Since this is a pretty sensitive subject for me, and a problem for most women, I want to get that out of the way ASAP.
Comments:
<< Home
I've got another good one for you: "I know that I'm quite a bit outside the age range you list in your profile" (he's almost 2x my age) "but I hope that you also believe that chronological age isn't the best way to determine compatibility. I agree that we're likely not sole mates, but who knows what the future holds?" Yes. I agree that our shoe size is likely not the same.
Are you 30 yet!? HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Miss you lovely lady.
Are you 30 yet!? HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Miss you lovely lady.
"Let's call these men 'lions' that match their 'cougar' counterparts. What will be the male free meals counter part? Cheap sex? Maybe the genders have asymmetrical physical desires after all. Cheap sex lover or free meal eater--shall we praise deception skills with 14k gold plated feces?" said a mouse hiding in a small house from behind a pink blouse.
"Nay! Feminist rejoice! Take the bait but escape the trap! Eat free for life, if you can pimp the system; after all are not all pimped by the system anyway? Rejoice! We are lover friends together." said the woman who heard the mouse in her rental house. Don't say she is a tired hag without a club; she has a virtual non-knitters club, which being not a club, they don't knit real things, but non-things virtually like a ninja clan that does not exist beyond mind--its really slick. In a binary world it would be nothing. We know the world isn't binary!
The dazzling house mouse is named Strauss. The hag is named Hag; she's un-ironic in name alone.
"Nay! Feminist rejoice! Take the bait but escape the trap! Eat free for life, if you can pimp the system; after all are not all pimped by the system anyway? Rejoice! We are lover friends together." said the woman who heard the mouse in her rental house. Don't say she is a tired hag without a club; she has a virtual non-knitters club, which being not a club, they don't knit real things, but non-things virtually like a ninja clan that does not exist beyond mind--its really slick. In a binary world it would be nothing. We know the world isn't binary!
The dazzling house mouse is named Strauss. The hag is named Hag; she's un-ironic in name alone.
no!!! a teacher?! Please tell me he wasn't actually one of your teachers? Who was it? wait -- I don't want to know. But yes I do! ah, I'm so conflicted! But, I am excited at having uncovered your web presence, compliments of little gaijin. :)
Post a Comment
<< Home
