Debauched, escapist, and offensive.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Unemployment has rendered me completely useless. I have been wearing the same outfit for three days. I went for a drive after realizing that I had not gotten into a car for a week.With nothing to do, I have spent a disgusting amount of time psychoanalyzing my psyche and doting attention upon myself. On Monday I went to a counselor, to extend my self-importance to others, and to spend lots of money on an expensive (and apparently useless) shrink.
Counselor: So what brings you in?
Me: I want a counselor.
Counselor: You want to talk to someone?
Me: (No, I want to communicate through gestures.) That's the idea.
Counselor: I talk to people.
Thanks!
But even without counseling, the internet has successfully (or unsuccessfully) provided an assortment of labels: avoidant attachment disorder, high sensitivity, hypoglycemia. I'm considering having attention deficit, but it's so cliche right now. Instead, I'll take anxious personality disorder, since it affects digestion, and I'd like an excuse for the farting.
Anyway, today, I pegged myself as 'Type 7: The Enthusiast' according to an internet personality test. Under the title of Healthy, the site describes Type 7 as "Deeply grateful and appreciative for what they have. Become awed by the simple wonders of spiritual reality."I thought the test had mislabeled me, but then I noticed the heading 'Unhealthy Sevens,' which read "Saying whatever comes to mind: storytelling, flamboyant exaggerations, witty wise-cracking. Debauched, escapist, and offensive."
I proudly crossed ADD off my list, and in blue ballpoint pen, added "Unhealthy Enthusiast" in its place.
