Editorial
Friday, July 30, 2004
FRIDAY -- Two days before Laura leaves her San Diego home, the fact that she's leaving finally hits.
So i'm moving from San Diego in about two days. My room is stripped naked and totally vulnerable. In 24hours, the very desk i'm typing on won't belong to me anymore. I think i finally have to admit to myself that college is over. (dammit)
I'm mad at myself for having spent so little time at the beach, hardly learning to surf, not committing myself to an instrument this year when i had the chance. Not a surprise.
More specifically, i have noticed an awkward feeling of loneliness. Especially after peetie left. I mean, i've felt lonely before, maybe even felt lonely a good fraction of my time, but it's different. I notice it most when i'm talking to a new person, like I'll be disappointed that someone who appears cool at first then after turns not to be. Or vice versa, when an interesting person doesn't really seem to want to talk to me.
Rina would have said "Four hugs a day, that's the minimum." I wonder if hug-debt accumulates interest. I hope not. Is there hug bankrupcy?
Honestly, i'm scared that friends here are now out of my life. I don't want that. When i came to SD, it took three years to find really great life-long friends. I doubt i even realize how much i'm going to miss Maddy and Clay and Andrew or how lucky i was to find any great friends at all. It was an awesome senior year. I hope i don't lose them, or any of my other awesome friends.
What's worse is knowing myself, depression will catch up with me pretty fast if i don't find fun people in Berkeley. That could lead me into some unhealthy situation/relationship or who knows what else. Anticipating it is the worst part. I'm scared.
Despite all this, I know i'll be really proud of myself once i've settle into my new place.
For the time being, i plan to keep my stuffed animals close by.
Come visit. i'll be looking for a friend.
Comments:
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I know what you mean about this hug-debt. I think it exists. Get lots of hugs...even if by completely random people...it is also a retardant against unhealthy relationships.
# posted by 
: 1:41 PM
: 1:41 PM
Hey Philly,
You just described my entire experience in CA. I never used to need people here in AZ, I was just always doing my own thing. But once I got there, I started enjoying the company of others. It's like an addiction that you learn and then can't give up easily. I was in withdrawl coming back here after graudating. I bet you'll meet lots of good people in Berkeley. One of my friends still stays in touch with friends she met there (she was a transfer student), and I met some of them: they're great! It's probably one of the more social places in the country, and it's *beautiful* in Berkeley! I love it there! Give yourself time, that's all. Besides, you'll always have friends you made over the past couple of years. Just because they're not there doesn't mean they don't care about you. OK, TTYL!
~ Jon
You just described my entire experience in CA. I never used to need people here in AZ, I was just always doing my own thing. But once I got there, I started enjoying the company of others. It's like an addiction that you learn and then can't give up easily. I was in withdrawl coming back here after graudating. I bet you'll meet lots of good people in Berkeley. One of my friends still stays in touch with friends she met there (she was a transfer student), and I met some of them: they're great! It's probably one of the more social places in the country, and it's *beautiful* in Berkeley! I love it there! Give yourself time, that's all. Besides, you'll always have friends you made over the past couple of years. Just because they're not there doesn't mean they don't care about you. OK, TTYL!
~ Jon
# posted by : 4:19 PM
: 4:19 PM
Oh, I almost forgot - here's another joke for your list:
Your mamma is so dumb, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes! :-)
Your mamma is so dumb, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes! :-)
# posted by : 4:21 PM
: 4:21 PM
ms. phil,
you will find lots of friends in berkeley. it's like gunn high continuation school.
--franklin
ps. im glad i got to run into u, even if they were brief, down in SD.
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you will find lots of friends in berkeley. it's like gunn high continuation school.
--franklin
ps. im glad i got to run into u, even if they were brief, down in SD.
# posted by : 7:05 PM
: 7:05 PM<< Home
