IntGuy owes me.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Interview Guy wants me to get tested. This is annoying because1. he thinks he is worth a trip to the clinic
2. I have crappy health insurance
So I called a number of places to see how much it would cost to get tested, and I was finally forwarded to a place that was not a ridiculous rip off... The catch? If I wanted to make it for their clinic, I had to leave right away. After throwing on some clothes and hopping in the car, my (obviously very old) jeans totally ripped wide open. Cruising down the freeway, I looked down at myself to make the following observations:
1. My jeans have paint hand-prints all over them, on top of showing off my…
2. … half-bare ass, thanks to the new rip which showcases the entire left side of my naked butt
3. The bra I threw on underneath my tiny too-lazy-to-change-out-of pajama tanktop is barely covered by said tiny tanktop and therefore sticking most of the way out of my shirt and
4. I totally forgot about the giant hicky on my neck. (omg, IG kisses like a vacuum cleaner)
I am almost surprised they didn’t rush me to the front of the line, to increase the safety of their other STD testing patients.
The forms at the place were hilarious. What gender do I identify as, and is it the same gender I was identified as at birth? What types of sex have I had with what genders of people this year? My favorite question was “How many people have you had sex with in the past 12 months (please enter 001-999)”
In the past, I haven't had to get tests because I've made the guys go -- girls get to be high maintenance that way. This is apparently common, as I was the only female waiting to get tested in a room full of men, who presumably also have crappy health insurance. That being said, I found myself being frequently eyed by fellow patients in the STD clinic waiting room... a disgusting plight which brings me back the my original point... IntGuy owes me.
