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Amusing Anecdotes

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October -- A compliation of stories that didn't merit an entire column.

I went shopping with Cliff last week to look for shirts. Two of his four spontaneous day shirts (the blue and tan colored ones, specifically) are aging and need to be replaced.

I felt pretty insulted when I searched ‘Asian’ in Google images and everything came up porn. This happened in a search from ‘blonde’ too. ‘Brunette,’ on the other hand, comes up with long tresses and curls. I don’t know why this is, but brown hair dye may be worth considering…

Josh tried to go drunken biking the other day. My memory of him stuck against the parked mini-van that he kept crashing into has kept me laughing for days.

I peed in someone’s front yard after the Halloween party. What can I say; I think that is a great accomplishment for a girl. Plus, I feel like it complimented my white-trash costume nicely. (Next goal: write my name in the snow)

For weeks, I was puzzled by the little holes that kept appearing on the surface of the dirt in my potted plants. Finally one day, I was fertilizing an african daisy and I found an entire, in-shell peanut buried under the dirt. It dawned on me that little autumn creatures have been hiding their winter stashes in my plants. How cute.

You never know how internet dependent you are until you don’t have it for a few days. For me, it was really awkward to have to make a phone call just to get information from an online vendor, but that was before realizing that I didn’t have their phone number.

This last anecdote (an old one, but I was reminded of it recently) occurred when Clay’s friend Ezra who had never had more than one drink in an evening and had never smoked anything in her life came over with the intention drinking at our house. After three or four practice shots (of water) to reassure her that she could fit an entire shot of liquor in her mouth, we managed to feed her four shots of Liquid Cocaine and at least half a bowl of marijuana. When I myself was lying on the living room floor complaining that I felt funny from all the drugs, she came over to me with a concerned look on her face, rubbed my arm for a bit, and in all seriousness reassured me that “you feel normal to me.”  ¶ 6:39 PM