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Armageddon Jobs

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SAN DIEGO, CA - Laura receives frightening news from the south. For this column, i have an email excerpt written by none other than my dear friend, Shane Walker. For those of you who don't know him, Shane was a grad student in the physics department when i had just begun TA-ing freshman year. He is still in San Diego working on his PhD.

Oh!!! I have to tell you...
Watch out. I think judgement day is at hand. Armageddon is upon us. God must be angry with us... for there is a freak of mother nature not in these parts since the days of Moses...

Water falls from the sky. It is up... there... and it falls down... here... it's quite disturbing actually. Why is God punishing us? No one knows what to make of it. Confusion and chaos rule. Hair gets wet... cars crash... even news casters see the peril of our situation... "Lindberg field got a quarter of an inch of rain today in what can only be described as a mild downpour..." A QUARTER OF AN INCH!!! Oh the humanity...

Anyway, I will not be caught unprepared. I have been doing my best to put my moralhouse in order so that I can pass through the pearly gates and enter the promised land. Be warned Laura ... REPENT!!! THE END IS NEAR!!!

Remember when all of southern california was burning down? Haha, the weather in San Diego was really something. I have it to thank for allowing me to become the only damn person in Berkeley that doesn't own a single piece of rain gear, any warm clothing, or even an umbrella for godsakes.

It is because of this that i am making an offer to anyone that is in need of a job. As of today, i am officially offering a temporary administrative position as a professional Laura Warmer. Qualifications include: 3+ years experience being really hot, able to cook a variety yummy foods, proficiency with high-tech programs such as Nintendo, boggle, and legos, and committed to the field of people-warming. Ability to breakdance a plus. If you are interested, please click on the 'comments' link and include a few reasons why you believe you may be qualified for the position. Questions/comments also welcome. The Laura Warming Committee will contact qualified applicant for interviews. Thank you for your interest.   ¶ 12:53 PM